The slow exhale of poker on television...

Last year 9 players reached the final table of the world series of poker and for the first time ever, play had been postponed nearly 4 months. The elite 9 took a chunk of their riches home to their families and friends and prepared for what would be the toughest thing they might ever have to deal with in their poker careers…celebrity (and maybe taxes). As Phil Helmuth, Mike Matusow and other pros dropped off the list with 5 or fewer tables to go, ESPN executives were likely squirming in their seats with their decision to hype up 9 nobodies for months without a big name to keep fans interested. Still, the event was well received and despite a table unmarked by poker nobility, play was customarily exciting. After editing, a final table looks pretty much the same no matter who you put in the seats - a slew of all-ins and coinflips.

Like it or not, this gaggle of inexperienced players emerged to become minor celebrities. They were invited on talk shows and even to ballparks to throw the first pitch. America, and the world, began to fall in love with these doting nobodies. These once beggars and borrowers were now first class all the way. Operation November 9 was a success.

In the year since, poker on TV has changed a bit. The everyman was getting more confident in his abilities. More nobodies were making final tables and fewer “pros” were seeing the spotlight. Young Internet kids emerged from their tiny bedrooms across the globe and were hitting the big time by cashing in along the WPT and EPT circuits. But this was all getting boring for the spectator. There was very little personality at the table; nobodies just don’t get out of line like stuck veterans do. Respectful fist pumps and shoulder shrugs were taking over “one time” declarations and tasteless name-calling. If things stayed the course, people might actually have to resume playing poker to be entertained by it, instead of watching it on TV!

So, network execs finally decided to throw in a wild card. Poker after all is a game, and they figured it was about time for it to be marketed in gameshow format. To a true poker fan, this format was a little off-putting and childish. But to the casual observer seeking something to watch on the days after Monday night football and before kickoff Sunday afternoon, a less technical form of poker was just the right thing to crack a can of Milwaukee’s Best to. Replace the hours of stone-faced amateurs folding their cards with a gambling priest, a guy from the sopranos and some scantily clad women and we have ourselves a poker game!

Fast forward through a series of junky permutations and we come to the big game once again, the 2009 WSOP Main Event. In a lauded attempt to show the game of poker in true form, ESPN broadcasted over 30 edited hours of the month long exhibition of gamesmanship. Unlike years prior, ESPN ran the majority of their coverage on the Main Event itself, and spent much less time televising smaller buy-in events. They wanted it to feel like the 9-day-war that it was, with the courageous November 9 being raised up and crowned with laurels. And this year, in all their elaborate detail, they had succeeded where they had not in their first attempt: Nobility had reached the final table.

The name amongst names, the living legend; Phil Ivey was among the final nine. Like battling against Achilles at Troy, the remaining eight players had to debate the earthly possibilities of beating their rival. Among the swarm of hopefuls was a poker publishing mogul, a reclusive logger from Maryland with a monstrous stack, and some very determined live and online players. In their second attempt, the execs had roped a winner.

But when the final table played out live, it took a bit of reclusiveness on my own part to keep from hearing the turnout. They brought the final 9 together and began play at noon on Saturday Nov 7^th. When they had gotten heads up, in the daylight hours of Sunday Nov 8^th, play would again stop and the duel would commence Monday night Nov 9^th. The important thing to understand is that ESPN would not air the final table until Tuesday Nov 10^th. This would give them time to edit the footage down to a few hours’ worth of entertaining television. But in no way could this ever be considered a televised live event. In a way it’s like TiVo’ing the Super Bowl. If you don’t watch that game within a few hours of it ending, you’re bound to hear a spoiler and the whole game is ruined. So I had to try and avoid the internet for nearly 4 days. I couldn’t listen to any podcasts. I had to avoid Facebook altogether. I was even nervous to watch ESPN in fear of seeing a text update roll across the bottom of the screen. As I write this, I currently just found out a spoiler about the live UFC 105 event I am watching on Spike. While researching a fighter who just pummeled Michael Bisping in the first round, his updated fight card on Wikipedia notes this fight as a loss. The fight took place live earlier today in England…

Essentially, my Main Event final table experience marks the recognition that poker as we know it can never be a live event. I’d much rather be given the opportunity to watch an entire day with no hole cards exposed than only be able to see 20 hands picked by some editors to tell a story that I already know the outcome of. Add in Norman Chad’s incessant comments with the ticking clock of the program and televised poker is like watching a mystery movie that I forgot I already watched drunk a few weeks ago: vaguely predictably and rather boring.

TV, you just don’t do it for me anymore. The internet has whooped your ass and you’ll have to settle with being the 2^nd broadcast. But unlike how TV forced print journalism to rise above sensationalism and produce quality content, the internet only seems to make TV a jealous copycat. You’d better stop trying to one-up other mediums and realize what you’re actually good at: documentaries, HD sports, and episodic programming.