the rise and fall of the roman empire; aka, another day in online poker

I've spent a lot of time over the past 4 years playing online poker. I mostly play small stakes tournaments, sit n gos and satellites. Last week i won 2 multi-table tournaments on Full Tilt, their combined entry was under $6 and my profit was $310. Ding, ship it, $200 check in the mail heading toward MrCogito.

You'll notice that there would be a remaining balance. 310-200 leaves a little leftover. That surplus is what I like to call my insanity bankroll. You see, the insanity bankroll allows me to slowly hate myself in the privacy of my own bedroom, or on the couch in front of Escape From New York. The best part? I get to hate myself over and over again, all for $5 or less! Truly, one of the economic marvels of our modern times. Boredom flirting with slight rage resulting in minor depression, headaches, muscle cramps, sweating, and skin irritation. A visit to Lewis Carroll's medicine cabinet might be helpful in times like these.

But let me share with you an episode from today:

After resuming play from our first hour's break, I find myself 2nd of 99 remaining players (307 to start in a $5 KO NL Holdem tournament) with 11,175 in chips at 11:33 am EST. In the next 17 minutes I would no longer be in the tournament. Below are the details which coincide with my certain, yet fleeting, lunacy.

Blinds, 50/100. BB (big blind) is in seat 5. In seat 8 with no action yet in the pot, I raise to 300 with AdQd (suited Ace Queen of diamonds). Seat 3 ships it all-in for 2,005. Two hands previous I played AA for a reraise and hit a set on a rainbow flop and played it craftily to extract about half of this player's chips. Now, he shoves on my opening bet. I give him credit for a decent pair, 9s or 10s and decide to call the 1705 more. He has pocket queens and i brick, all low cards hit the board.

I'm left with 9,170 in chips. In about 6 hands i manage to lose about 3k in chips playing back at short stacks.

11:45 Blinds, 60/120. I'm the small blind with KhQs.
The player under the gun (UTG) calls the 120 and everyone else folds around to me. I raise it up to 500. The BB folds and the limper calls. Two of us to the flop.


*** FLOP *** [6c Jd Tc]
MrCogito bets 800
jcadd64 calls 800
*** TURN *** [6c Jd Tc] [Jh]
MrCogito checks
jcadd64 bets 1,200
MrCogito has 15 seconds left to act

(I'm nearly certain this player has a jack. Probably KJ. At this point, it's 1200 to win nearly a 4k pot where I have an open ended straight. Also, the player could still just be on a flush draw and betting at my weak check on the 2nd jack.)

MrCogito calls 1,200
*** RIVER *** [6c Jd Tc Jh] [Ad]
MrCogito checks

(I make my straight and I'm not entirely comfortable)

jcadd64 bets 120

(uuuuber suspicious)

MrCogito calls 120
*** SHOW DOWN ***
jcadd64 shows [Jc Ah] a full house, Jacks full of Aces
MrCogito shows [Qs Kh] a straight, Ace high
jcadd64 wins the pot (5,360) with a full house, Jacks full of

So I took the risk to draw at my straight on a flush draw and 2 paired board. I connected, and after that, somehow did not lose my entire stack. Pat myself on the back, deep breath.

11:46, next hand, I am on the button with 3,220 in chips. I call a raise to 300 with JsTc and we go 3 way to the flop.

*** FLOP *** [Qs Ts 2d]
juniorzalaz has 15 seconds left to act
juniorzalaz checks
midwinter checks
MrCogito checks
*** TURN *** [Qs Ts 2d] [2h]
juniorzalaz checks
midwinter checks
MrCogito checks
*** RIVER *** [Qs Ts 2d 2h] [9s]
juniorzalaz has 15 seconds left to act
juniorzalaz bets 360
midwinter folds
MrCogito calls 360
*** SHOW DOWN ***
juniorzalaz shows [Ks Jd] a straight, King high

I didn't want to get out of line with 2nd pair because my chips were running low, so i decided to check my way into calling a small bet on the river where the other players caught a straight. My fault, indeed, but not a monster loss. chances are, he's calling on the open-ended flop anyway.

I say to myself. "I should probably sit out. This is not going right."

I do not sit out. 4 hands later or so:

11:49, blinds 80/160, button is seat 2. I have 2,560 in chips.

I have AcTd and call a small early position min-raise of 320 and so does the BB. 3 way to the flop.

*** FLOP *** [Jh Ah Th]
Ihaa checks
midwinter checks

Terrible, terrible, flop. KQ has a straight. A made flush is possible but unlikely, AK/AQ could have a straight flush draw, or even a worse ace (more probable) has a pair and a flush draw. Both are either scared or setting a trap. I can't aforrd to peel off another card, 2 pair is probably in the lead and I need to make them think about folding their draws. Assuming the worst, i have full-boat outs.


MrCogito bets 2,240, and is all in
Ihaa folds
midwinter calls 2,115, and is all in
MrCogito shows [Td Ac]
midwinter shows [Ad Js]
Uncalled bet of 125 returned to MrCogito
*** TURN *** [Jh Ah Th] [9s]
*** RIVER *** [Jh Ah Th 9s] [8d]
MrCogito shows two pair, Aces and Tens
midwinter shows two pair, Aces and Jacks
midwinter wins the pot (5,270) with two pair, Aces and Jacks

No one had hearts, cold deck 2pr over 2pr on a 3-flush board. I have 125 chips left.

I fold the next hand.

11:50. The BB is larger than my stack, so I call with Ah4H. Someone min raises to 320, and the small and BB fold.

Heads up.

Ah4h against 9d9c. I'm in bad shape.

*** FLOP *** [8h Qh Ad]

Sweet! i flopped top pair and the flush draw! I might more than triple up!

*** TURN *** [8h Qh Ad] [9s]

No friggin way. really? a set? ok, come on heart. heart. heart.

*** RIVER *** [8h Qh Ad 9s] [Ks]
jcadd64 wins the side pot (70)
jcadd64 shows three of a kind, Nines
MrCogito shows a pair of Aces
jcadd64 wins the main pot (455) with three of a kind, Nines

Nothing. Just a shift of extremes. Far behind, vastly ahead, out.

However much I want to blame this incident on the website, I cannot. The game can be absurd, and that is why it is fun and challenging. Just being correct is not enough to win. Last night, at a live tourney a similar injustice happened.

Blnds were 75/150 and I shipped it in from early position with QJ off suit. The two players following me called and the blinds folded.

flop was J A J, rainbow

sweet! trips! i'll be up to 1825 and can play again.


check, check.

Turn, J A J 5

all-in, fold

we turn our cards face up. Dude has pocket 5's and just hit the miracle 2 outter to make a boat. I can still win with a queen or an ace.

River blanks.

I'm feeling pretty defeated. But worst of all, it's all mental. The money isn't large enough to create this rage or depression, but the degree of absurdity is. But by knowing the degree of how this absurdity can affect me negatively, I also know that it can also affect me positively (i.e. when I suckout on someone). Unfortunately, in my case, the degree of negative absurdity has so outweighed the degree of positive absurdity, that when moments of positive regularity occur, they seem trivial and meaningless. Such as a day in the life of anybody. Today is meaningless, but yesterday and tomorrow shall be measures of my value.